Before I ever became pregnant and even when I was a new mom to two young girls, I never wanted to homeschool. Prior to my conversion to the “crunchy mom” world, I was one those people who thought homeschooling was a curse upon children, dooming them to become awkward uneducated weirdos. Truthfully, I didn’t put that much thought into it, I just regurgitated what all the other “normal” people thought about homeschool. Even after I had my children and became more natural-minded (a homebirth under my belt and everything!), I still wasn’t convinced this was the way to go. I had a lot of researching and personal un-learning to do before I abandoned scare tactics like “socialization” and saw the indoctrination of the conventional school system for what it was.
Do not misunderstand, I fuck up in a lot of areas of my life! I am quite flawed and I am 100% ok with that. But my mothering is the one aspect of my life that I do not cut corners, make excuses or give up in. If I learn something that you’re “supposed” to do to help your children, I implement it permanently. Breast is best? Sure, you can nurse for 3+ years. Babywearing makes you feel more connected and reduces tantrums? Alrighty, no stroller! Food dyes damage your brain? I’ll never serve you any (except maybe from a macaron while in France, c’est la vie 🤷🏽♀️). Obviously everyone parents differently and that’s fine. But I get obsessive, imagining how everything they experience in their very young life could affect their future. I’m an overthinker, overworrier, overplanner about my girls 100% of the time. (I’ll get back to you in 20 years and let you know if it was worth all the trouble 😉)
By the time they were preschool age, I knew I couldn’t handle putting them in conventional schools. I can count on one hand all the real tantrums Eurya has had in her life (one of them was during a flight while I was heavily pregnant, so that was great 🤦🏽♀️). I followed all the advice on how to raise an emotionally intelligent child and it worked!! She talks out her feelings, doesn’t overreact to small inconveniences, is extremely empathetic, doesn’t act out aggressively when things don’t go her way. It’s amazing! Zemira needed a bit more time than her sister figuring out emotional regulation, but she has it down now and it is such a blessing! Seriously, no terrible twos (or threes or fours) over here!
(Read the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk. I parented like this since birth and it truly works!)
When we go to birthday parties and kids scream and kick, my girls watch like it’s a strange reality TV show. If some child is mean at the playground, they have no idea why another human would behave that way. We have set an example as parents that we respect each other ALL of the time. My husband and I argue sometimes, of course. But we never yell or get aggressive. We never curse in our house (my kids actually still don’t know that curse words exist at nearly 7 and 5.5 😬) and we always use manners and are above and beyond kind to each other.
But that’s not the real world! We know we can’t keep them in a bubble forever and we don’t want to. I started cursing at age 8 and shit all went downhill from there 😆. I am a realist and am very aware that my perfect angel girls are gonna get into a lot of imperfect mess, and soon! And it’s stressing.me.out.
They are in school now, with outside influences I cannot control. They come home every day telling me something inappropriate that a kid has said. Something mean that a kid has done. About the cliques (cliques already at 5, 6, 7 years old? In a Montessori school?!). They make friends with an 8 year old who the next day says she’ll never talk to them again because of some trivial thing; Eurya concluded “I know that she doesn’t mean it, she just has to get more emotionally mature, like me!” They want to keep being friendly to these kids that “flip-flop” so that they can set examples of how to be nice. *aww*
Now I have to be mature and bite my tongue when I want to say “What a little bi***🤬!!” lol. I don’t want kids being mean to my babies! One student said she didn’t want to be friends with my girls because they are “too happy and that’s weird.” 🙄 So far, my girls aren’t hurt by it. They’re so nice that they don’t even always understand when kids are dissing them. And I come from a whole different world–we used to get into fist fights at this age in my home town’s public schools. I don’t want my girls to be walked all over, and it irritates the shit out of me that this is going on in a Montessori. However, this is life, and adversity will teach them things! This is just another milestone in my mothering, in their growing up; new opportunities for each of us to learn and adapt.
May they continue to be kind humans who don’t let the world steal their joy!