My Failure at Technology after 7 Years of Being a SAHM

Time is so sneaky. One day you’re super smart and super cool, then the next thing you know you try to work a phone and get scolded by a four-year-old that you’re doing it wrong.

I remember hours-long conversations on my landline as a teenager with my (then-boyfriend) husband, talking about how great it would be if someone could invent a way for us to see each other while we spoke! Now FaceTime is just as an inconvenient way to communicate as voice calls (“Is there a reason you aren’t texting me right now?!”)

I went straight from high school to the workforce, and although it was an office job, the only computer skills I needed were for the software that they taught me how to use. I spent several years at that place, then several more at a different desk job, only really having to learn the company-specific programs. I also never found it compelling to brush up on my Excel knowledge for personal use, so I was left in the dust as technology swiftly grew much, much too complicated for me.

I had my first baby and was dedicated to attachment style parenting, so there was scarcely any tech in our household. We already had been TV-free as a couple since high school, and considering we could pay our bills on our smartphones we didn’t even have a need for a computer. Our daughter never watched TV or used a phone or tablet for entertainment, and we followed the same path with our second daughter.

I had Facebook for a couple of years around my daughters’ births, and it was then when I noticed people linking their posts to Instagram. I was SO confused as to what Instagram even was! Eventually I found out it was an app for pictures. Perfect! I can get out of this shitshow known as Facebook and enter the clean new world of IG!

At this point, I’m a stay-at-home-mom to two babies and IG is my only contact with the outside world. I’m a hermit. I’m stuck to the couch with at least one child on my boob, desperately trying to just. reach. that. coffee. I scroll through the lives of other women in similar conditions as my own.

Oh, sweet solidarity!

Then sneaky time sneaks by and I’m seeing more of these…blogs? Wtf is that? All of these regular-humans made their own websites? They have pictures and backgrounds and you can click links to go to other places on the internet, wow! I can’t connect the Bluetooth on my speaker to listen to music from my phone, and these untrained women have Computer Businesses.

Now I will say, that newborn haze is real and she is definitely a bitch! In hindsight, I know I’m not a total idiot but any new mom’s brain is probably not fully operational, amirite? But this is when I realized, dang girl, you need to step it up!

Of course, I didn’t step it up. I enrolled my eldest into a cyber school when she turned five and when that beautiful school-issued laptop arrived at our door I remembered that I didn’t know anything. In addition to the weird virtual lesson rooms and coursework software, I also had to help her learn all the basic Windows Office crap. At least it was just first grade curriculum because, oh no honey, I was not able to offer her much more than I did.

We survived, but it was much harder for me to set up the wireless printer than it should have been. And every time the Wi-Fi went down and I had no idea what that damn beautiful laptop was trying to tell me to do to fix it, ugh.  And why didn’t those files just save to where they were supposed to save? At least I got a little practice.

Now we’re moving to Puerto Rico and I want to chronicle it all. Hmm, maybe a blog like those dope techie moms I saw on IG. I do know how to type, thank goodness. How do you do a blog? Omg, I know nothing lol. So I spent several days googling and Pinteresting trying to see how to do this. I bit the bullet one night and purchased my site. I have no idea if this is gonna be a total waste of money. I have no idea if I actually bought a site. How do I get into the site, how do I edit it? What did I get myself into…

Yo, when I tell you (get used to me saying “yo”, I’m a 90’s kids from a small urban city lol) I had to go in and out of my own website a million times before I figured out how to get into the ‘behind the scenes’ stuff *facepalm*. I think I found free images I can use (hope I don’t get sued! haha), but can barely figure out how to get them on here. This is going to be a very slow, and possibly painful process (for you and me both, whoever you are, if there is a you lol).

This move is going to benefit our family in so many ways. One of them is for my own growth. I have been away from the world for seven years, I am a Disney princess, locked in a tower *hairflip*. But I’m almost out! I’m going to learn about this computer stuff, and talk to other humans, and exercise and take regular, quiet showers!!

Yo, I might even figure out what a widget is!

5 Replies to “My Failure at Technology after 7 Years of Being a SAHM”

  1. This is awesome. I LOVE your (real life) story and your writing style. There is definitely a “You” and I can’t wait to follow along on your journey!

  2. For not being tech savvy , your sure did catch my interest (and not because we are related ). I will be following.

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